brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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