they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
