I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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