You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize