took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
