he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
