He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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