you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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