Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
