We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
