last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
