3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
