It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She bit a glass in half.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
