some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
