I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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