Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
