the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
