I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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