Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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