i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
