i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
