There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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