this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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