alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will be naked everywhere
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
