Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
