Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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