i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
