I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
