SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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