When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
