tell your sister to shave her snatch
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
