Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
