I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
