Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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