She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
