the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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