saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
