No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
