Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
