You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
