I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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