I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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