You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
