omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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