I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
