Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
