i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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