Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
