Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
