I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
