I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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