I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
