i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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