I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out