I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
