May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
