I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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