Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
false alarm. still invincible.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
