people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
