They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
