And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
