i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
