his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
