So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
