You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
