I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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