Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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