just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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