Someone shit on the floor
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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