i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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