It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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