We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I looked at my own cervix.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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