Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
