We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
