His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
