I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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