wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
